Revision And Self-Editing Read online

  —Terri Blackstock

  EXPOSITION KEY QUESTIONS ABOUT EXPOSITION

  • Do you have large chunks of information dumped in one spot?

  • Is your exposition doing double duty? Cut out any exposition that doesn't also add to the mood or tone of your novel.

  COMMON FIXES Hide Exposition

  The best exposition doesn't stick out. It doesn't give the feeling that the story has suddenly stopped so the reader can be fed information.

  A "chunk" of exposition is any information of two sentences or more. The worst way to present this information is as straight narrative in the author's voice.

  So, take every chunk of exposition and do one of the following: First take out any exposition material that the reader does not absolutely need to know. If it is just filler, get rid of it.

  This is a matter of experience. If, for example, you're writing about the history of a place, you'll want to create a feel of the place, and that requires exposition. The temptation, especially if you love research, is to put in everything you know.

  Cut what you don't need for flavor or the understanding of the story. Now, put the chunks you have left in dialogue or character thoughts. Even better, put the chunks in confrontational dialogue or make them highly tense thoughts.

  Chapter Beginnings

  Be especially vigilant about exposition at the beginning of chapters. Act first, explain later.

  Take out all information that isn't absolutely necessary for the reader to know, especially at the beginning of chapters. See if you can put exposition in later, not all at once, but sprinkled in after action has begun.

  VOICE, STYLE & POINT OF VIEW

  KEY QUESTIONS ABOUT VOICE, STYLE & POINT OF VIEW

  • Are there sections where the style seems forced or stilted? Try reading it out loud, or having the speech mode on the computer do it. Hearing it sounded out will often help identify places to be cut or modified.

  • Is your POV consistent in every scene?

  • If writing in first person, can the character see and feel what it is you describe?

  • If writing in third person, do you slip into the thoughts of other characters than the POV character in the scene? Do you describe something the character can't see or feel?

  COMMON FIXES Visualize

  Put yourself in the head of the POV character, and visualize the scene through her eyes. Run through the paragraphs one by one, "seeing" the scene through the POV character's eyes.

  Look for any beats that can't be perceived by the character. They're slippery, but the more you practice, the better you'll become at nabbing them.

  Attitudinize

  Especially in first-person POV, but even in the others, can you increase the attitude quotient? Get the words more in the voice of the character by exploring his emotional reaction to the plot.

  SETTING & DESCRIPTION

  KEY QUESTIONS ABOUT SETTING & DESCRIPTION

  • Have you brought your setting to life for the reader?

  • Does the setting operate as a "character"?

  • Are your descriptions of places and people too generic?

  • Are your descriptions doing double duty by adding to the mood or tone?

  COMMON FIX Add Telling Details

  Go through your setting descriptions and look for places where you can put in one, good "telling" detail. One vivid detail is worth ten average ones. Smell, taste, and touch are underused in fiction, so why not use them? Make a list of words you associate with your novel, the things you're trying to get the readers to feel. For example:

  • outrage

  • sadness

  • hope

  • healing

  • victory

  Under each word you come up with, brainstorm several possible sensory observations that would go with the word.

  For outrage you might think of: red, fire, noise, crashing, screams, bitterness. Next, go to specific scenes where the feeling of outrage is being established, and try plugging in one of these sensory elements to your descriptions.

  Think of these additions as "spice." They work best when applied sparingly but for a purpose.

  DIALOGUE KEY QUESTIONS ABOUT DIALOGUE

  • Slightly "off" responses are more suspenseful than on-the-nose responses. Can you put in non sequiturs, or answer a question with a question, and so on?

  • Can you change some attributions—he said, she said—to action beats?

  • Good dialogue surprises the reader, creates tension. View it like a game, where the players are trying to outfox each other. Are they using dialogue as a "weapon"?

  • Your dialogue should have conflict or tension, even between allies. Does it?

  COMMON FIXES Read It Out Loud

  Read your dialogue aloud. Or have your computer's voice read it back to you. Keep a red pen or flying fingers ready to change words.

  Compress

  See how much dialogue you can actually do without.

  • Try arbitrarily cutting a line of dialogue and replacing it with an action beat.

  • Try compressing dialogue that goes over two lines by cutting words.

  Orchestrate

  If much of the dialogue from different characters sounds the same, orchestrate it by making the individual lines more unique. For example:

  • Give the characters their own pet words or phrases they can repeat from time to time.

  • Look at cadence. Some people use more words than others.

  • Make sure you can "hear" each character's voice.

  THEME

  KEY QUESTIONS ABOUT THEME

  • Do I know what my theme is?

  • Has a different theme emerged in the writing? Am I fighting it?

  • Have I woven in thematic elements naturally?

  • Have I avoided "the lecture"?

  COMMON FIX Write an Essay

  Yes, just like in school.

  I don't care what kind of novel this is. Even if it's pure action and all you care about is speed, write an essay about the theme of your book.

  The good news is you don't have to turn this in. You can grade it yourself. But force yourself to explore your novel as a literary work that has something to say.

  This exercise usually turns up at least one dominant thematic element. Then you're in a position to weave it into your novel.

  THE POLISH

  You've done good work to this point. Hard but rewarding. You're using both sides of your brain, back and forth, as you revise. Analyzing, targeting problems, brainstorming, trying new things.

  This is how you become a real writer. Yes, you can play those novels-in-a-month games, and that's fun and good practice.

  But cutting, shaping, adding, subtracting, working it, making it better, that's what real writing is all about.

  Do this, and you increase your chances of getting published. Or, if you publish it yourself, of having it read and liked.* Now, before you send it off, give it one more going over. This won't take long in comparison. But it will add that extra sparkle that could make all the difference.

  This is The Polish.

  Chapter Openings

  Go through your manuscript reading all the chapter openings. Consider the following:

  • Can you begin a little further in?

  • Does the opening grab? Have a hint of conflict or action?

  • If you open with description, does it do double duty? If not, put it in later.

  • Do most of your chapters begin the same way? Vary them.

  Chapter Endings

  Look at every chapter ending.

  See if you can find a place to end the chapter earlier. One, two, three, or more paragraphs earlier. How does it feel? It may be better, it may not. If it is, use it.

  If it isn't, ask if it would benefit by adding something that would make the chapter end with more of a portent or prompt, like:

  • a line of moody description

  • an introspection of fear or worry

&
nbsp; • a moment of decision or intention

  • a line of dialogue that snaps or sings

  Or your ending may be just fine the way it is. If that's so, don't touch it!

  Dialogue

  • Is there plenty of "white space" in your dialogue exchanges?

  • Is your default attribution said?

  • Do you vary these with action beats?

  • Do you have too many action beats? Remember, said doesn't make the reader work.

  • Can you cut any words to make the dialogue tighter?

  • Is there a line you can "curve" to make it slightly more memorable?

  Word Search

  Collect the words and phrases you tend to overuse. You'll find these in the revision process and when a good editor or reader alerts you to them. These tend to change with different projects. You'll find yourself repeating a different word each time, because it gets plugged into your head.

  I'm talking about words that stand out. Verbs like "scuffle" and "scamper." Bold adjectives. Actions like cleared his throat.

  Do a word search of your manuscript for instances of those repeated words and phrases you tend to overuse. Then modify them accordingly. In addition, look for:

  • Very. This is almost always a useless adjective. Cut it.

  • Suddenly. Again, mostly not needed.

  • Adverbs. Cut them unless absolutely necessary (some writers insist they never are).

  Big Moments

  When polishing one of my novels I went to a key scene, one where the Lead confronts the villain head on and is taken away to be murdered by the villain's followers.

  In my original version, the Lead, being held, was slapped by the villain. The Lead said something defiant but was then dragged out of the room.

  This wasn't big enough for me, so in the polish I had the Lead break free of the hold on him and punch the villain in the face. The villain, an old man, crumbled to the ground, and this gave me several more beats of tension before moving on to the next scene.

  Identify five big moments in your manuscript. Read them over one at a time.

  After each moment, make a list of ten ways you can heighten that moment, make it more intense, give it more juice.

  Your first two or three ideas will come quickly. Force yourself to go beyond that. Come up with ten, even though you may think some of them absurd. Just do it.

  Then sit back and decide which one feels best. Try rewriting that moment in just that way.

  Repeat this for the other five big moments.

  Final Reminders

  • Conflict rules. If you can find any way to increase conflict in a scene, do it. Look at the characters in the scene. Even if they're on the same side, can they have unspoken tension between them? At least have the tension within one character be bubbling beneath the surface, making complete communication more difficult.

  • Look at character relationships. Can you increase the web of relations? Lives that intersected in the past somehow?

  • Give each major character a secret, even if it never comes out in the story. It will give emotional color.

  • Don't let your Lead character be all good, or your opposition all bad.

  • Emotion! That's what your readers want! Even more than technique or plot. You must be moved in order to move your readers. Write with emotion!

  • Always write lists of possibilities. Search for originality.

  • Use at least one sense impression (hear, taste, see, feel, smell, feel emotion) on every page.

  • "So much of successful fiction hinges on one simple ploy: discomfort."

  (Robert Newton Peck)

  • Keep a novel journal as you write, jotting down what you learn and what works. This will be invaluable to you as your career proceeds.

  • Learn always about the craft, but when you write, write like Fast Eddie Felson played pool in The Hustler, fast and loose. When you revise, revise slow and cool.

  [ THE TRICK THAT CANNOT BE EXPLAINED ]

  When I was in college I got into magic. Close-up magic to be precise, the best kind. Cards, coins, cups and balls. All done right there on a table in front of a few people.

  I got to hang out at the Magic Castle in Hollywood and talk to some of the legends. People like Francis Carlyle and Charlie Miller.

  But the greatest of these was Dai Vernon.

  Vernon, by then an octogenarian, is considered by most insiders to be the greatest card magician of the twentieth century. After meeting him, I devoured his books and tried to emulate the master.

  In one of his books, co-written with Lewis Ganson, Vernon expounded perhaps his best single trick. He called it "The Trick That Cannot Be Explained," and it's never performed the same way twice. Yet in skilled hands it always produces awe.

  The reason this trick cannot be explained is that the magician takes advantage of every technique he knows and applies them to the circumstances as they arise.

  For example, he may write a prediction on a sheet of paper, then invite someone from the audience to shuffle the deck and select the card.

  Every once in a while the predicted card is chosen, and the magician milks the moment for all it's worth.

  But most of the time he has to improvise. He has at his disposal the entire arsenal of magic technique. False shuffles, forces, passes, and so on.

  As Vernon said, "The more one knows about card magic the better the effect. It's just quick thinking to decide how to obtain the greatest effect according to the circumstances."

  This is the secret of great fiction writing, too. It is why you study the craft in books like this, and others, and never stop learning.

  Because the more you know, the more you are able to apply in the infinite range of circumstances that arise when writing a novel. You are a fiction writer. You are a magician. You deal in illusion.

  When it works, you're making a happy reader who will exhale and think, What an amazing story!

  Can this "trick" be explained?

  Not entirely. It's a combination of talent and technique, art and skill.

  You have all of these, to one degree or another. And you'll keep getting better if you work at it.

  So work at it. And go create some magic.

  [ EXERCISE ANSWERS ]

  CHAPTER 4

  This is clunky writing to begin with—the over use of the word cold and the inclusion of meaningless details. While you may want to start a scene this way sometime, for pacing purposes, use this as an opportunity to cut to the chase. What would you do to get things going a little faster? Here are three suggestions:

  John felt the bump before he heard the scream. He stopped the car and jumped out.

  The old man lay motionless on the driveway.

  Snow was everywhere, and the wind ripped right through John's coat. *

  "No," John said. "Don't be dead. Please don't be dead."

  He hadn't seen the old man, just felt the bump and heard the scream. He'd just been backing out of the driveway. What was the old man doing there? Didn't he see him?

  Snow was everywhere, and the wind ripped right through John's coat. *

  Death came cold and in the snow.

  John was only backing out. He'd tell the cops that. He wasn't doing anything but backing out into the bitter cold of morning.

  Note: This is only one way to do it. There are lots of possibilities.

  "Good evening."

  "What'd you just say?" "I didn't know you were coming." "I got an invitation." "Wonderful. Nice night, isn't it?" "What's nice about it?"

  "Don't you just love it when the breeze holds the scent of honeysuckle?" "Oh sure."

  Franklin turned to me and read from his page, "I am certain that my fellow Americans expect that on my induction into the Presidency I will address them with a candor and a decision—"

  "Stop right there," I said.

  "What's wrong, dear?" he said.

  "It's pretentious, is what it is."

  "Just listen, will you?"
r />   I sat and folded my arms.

  Franklin lit a cigarette, then said, "With a condor and a decision which the present situation of our people impel."

  He looked at me over his glasses. "You like that? Impel?"

  "Go on," I said.

  "This is preeminently the time to speak the truth, the whole truth, frankly and boldly. Nor need we shrink from honestly facing conditions in our country today. This great Nation will endure as it has endured, will revive—"

  "Am I bothering anyone?"

  It was Hull, barging in as usual.

  "Yes," Franklin said. "This is not the time."

  "When would you suggest?" Hull pulled himself upright.

  "After I reassure the nation." Franklin winked at me.

  Shaking his head, Hull backed out of the office.

  "That was good," I said. "Put a little of that in the speech."

  "Yes, yes, now listen. Where was I. Oh yes. And will prosper. So, first of all, let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is the year ahead."

  "Ugh," I said.

  "What?"

  "The year ahead? That's what we have to fear?"

  "It looks bleak."

  I stood and went to the desk. Without waiting for reaction I grabbed the pages from his hand, took up a pen and started scratching.

  "What on earth are you doing?" Franklin said.

  "Quiet."

  I finished and showed him the pages. He snatched them, harrumphed, and started reading. A slight smile curved his mouth. "Fear itself. That's good. That's very good."

  Another knock. From behind the door, "Franklin?"

  "It's Eleanor," Franklin said. "Quick. Behind the curtain."

  Don walked into the bar. The smell of stale beer and sweat assaulted his nostrils. Just kill me now, he thought.

  Yip yip yip!

  Don jumped back. A poodle the size of a jug bared its teeth at him.

  He kicked the dog, sending it yipping back from whence it came.

  "How dare you," a woman said. She sat at a table, holding the dog's leash. She must have weighed three hundred pounds. She might have been fifty, but the years had been packed on. The jowls on her face had their own jowls.

  "Why don't you control that mutt?" Don said.

  "I beg your pardon," the woman said.

  "Take that thing outside before I use it to floss my teeth."